Mask or Menace IC contact

[crassidy]

"Probably out gettin' shit faced! I'll get back to yez."

Comments

[notgood]

Not really concerned with falling under vampire stereotypes, are you?

[crassidy]

Mate, as far as stereotypes go, I think I'm pretty low on the "usual vampire" rankin'. I'm allowed to have "biting" as one of my things.

[notgood]

Accent, threats of biting, umbrella, fondness for drinking, sunglasses...

[Nevermind that two of those things are more about protecting oneself from the sun.]

All your missing is a bit of black clothes and I could see you on the set of Lost Boys.

[crassidy]

Don't even get me started on Lost Boys! They basically stole me entire bleedin' look and I never saw a single feckin' penny of royalties.

[notgood]

I don't believe there's a copyright on wearing dirty, torn clothes.

[crassidy]

There should be. I know they copied me and I gotta live with that for eternity, unlike the blood writers of that film. Think I got a chance at suin' the Count Chocula folks?

[notgood]

You have zero chance of suing Count Chocula.

[crassidy]

What if I knew the fella who made 'em? And you can clearly see the resemblance!

[notgood]

And if they have a disclaimer anywhere in their paperwork that says anything along the lines of any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental in their copyright, you're out of luck.

[crassidy]

What a load of shite, that's bloody cheatin'. Show a fella your fangs one time and he takes advantage.

[notgood]

It sounds like the lesson here is don't go showing your fangs around to just anyone.

[crassidy]

I know that now, but mate, back then I was only a young'un. Only been around for like seventy years at that point.

[Look, vampires mature a little slower. Okay, maybe it's just Cassidy that matures slower, but if he's like this now, at 120 years old, it's worrying to think what he was like before.]

[notgood]

So, thirty years old enough to know better, really.

[crassidy]

No! Because, if y'think about it, compared to how I am now, right? Seventy is like half that, so actually that's really bleedin' young.

[Vampire maths! Very logical!]

[notgood]

You didn't mentally regress when you became a vampire, did you? You don't restart the learning process when you become a vampire, so if I reason that you should have known well enough by forty, making a bad choice thirty years later doesn't excuse it.

[crassidy]

It's different, right? Like dog years. 'Cause like if I look in me thirties but actually we say I'm a hundred and twenty. So that's... [Trying to count on his fingers here, give a minute.] Four? Four. So that's four years to a vampire year. So actually back then it was kind of like I was fifteen, is it not?!

[notgood]

That's-

Not how math works. Or age. Cassidy.

[crassidy]

Clearly you don't know what you're talkin' about. I'm the vampire here, okay? I think I know how being a vampire works better than you do.

[No, he doesn't.]

1/2

[notgood]

[Just a moment of staring, before:]

[notgood]

You're right. You would, wouldn't you?

[crassidy]

Thank you, at least you got some sense in you, mate. Vampire maths is different, see, we learn it when we get bit.

[notgood]

What about vampire writing? And vampire history? How are your studies there?

[crassidy]

Oh, yeah, no, I was shite at those subjects. Vampire film studies was good one though.

[notgood]

So you can count how many times they stole your looks?

[crassidy]

Exactly, now you're gettin' it, I'm actually in high demand. Like a bloody muse.