Mask or Menace IC contact

[crassidy]

"Probably out gettin' shit faced! I'll get back to yez."

Comments

[notgood]

And if they have a disclaimer anywhere in their paperwork that says anything along the lines of any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental in their copyright, you're out of luck.

[crassidy]

What a load of shite, that's bloody cheatin'. Show a fella your fangs one time and he takes advantage.

[notgood]

It sounds like the lesson here is don't go showing your fangs around to just anyone.

[crassidy]

I know that now, but mate, back then I was only a young'un. Only been around for like seventy years at that point.

[Look, vampires mature a little slower. Okay, maybe it's just Cassidy that matures slower, but if he's like this now, at 120 years old, it's worrying to think what he was like before.]

[notgood]

So, thirty years old enough to know better, really.

[crassidy]

No! Because, if y'think about it, compared to how I am now, right? Seventy is like half that, so actually that's really bleedin' young.

[Vampire maths! Very logical!]

[notgood]

You didn't mentally regress when you became a vampire, did you? You don't restart the learning process when you become a vampire, so if I reason that you should have known well enough by forty, making a bad choice thirty years later doesn't excuse it.

[crassidy]

It's different, right? Like dog years. 'Cause like if I look in me thirties but actually we say I'm a hundred and twenty. So that's... [Trying to count on his fingers here, give a minute.] Four? Four. So that's four years to a vampire year. So actually back then it was kind of like I was fifteen, is it not?!

[notgood]

That's-

Not how math works. Or age. Cassidy.

[crassidy]

Clearly you don't know what you're talkin' about. I'm the vampire here, okay? I think I know how being a vampire works better than you do.

[No, he doesn't.]

1/2

[notgood]

[Just a moment of staring, before:]

[notgood]

You're right. You would, wouldn't you?

[crassidy]

Thank you, at least you got some sense in you, mate. Vampire maths is different, see, we learn it when we get bit.

[notgood]

What about vampire writing? And vampire history? How are your studies there?

[crassidy]

Oh, yeah, no, I was shite at those subjects. Vampire film studies was good one though.

[notgood]

So you can count how many times they stole your looks?

[crassidy]

Exactly, now you're gettin' it, I'm actually in high demand. Like a bloody muse.

[notgood]

Then I'm very fortunate you applied for this position, aren't I?

[crassidy]

Right, 'cept I'm not comin' to the court room with you for inspiration. I prefer to stay outta all law related things as much as possible unless the cops have got me.

[notgood]

Even if I needed the moral support?

[No, he'd literally never ask Cassidy to be in the court room...]

[crassidy]

I don't have any spare morals to give.

[notgood]

Fair.

[crassidy]

[Sniff.]

So we done here or what? Obviously I'm the best you're gonna get.

[notgood]

We are done. You're clearly astounding.

[crassidy]

Cheers, mate. Appreciate it. Honestly one of the first interviews I've ever done, if y'can believe it.

[Surely Chauncy could never believe such a revelation. In the mean time Cassidy is pushing himself to his feet and offering his hand over the desk to shake.]