Mask or Menace IC contact

[crassidy]

"Probably out gettin' shit faced! I'll get back to yez."

Comments

[crassidy]

What a load of shite, that's bloody cheatin'. Show a fella your fangs one time and he takes advantage.

[notgood]

It sounds like the lesson here is don't go showing your fangs around to just anyone.

[crassidy]

I know that now, but mate, back then I was only a young'un. Only been around for like seventy years at that point.

[Look, vampires mature a little slower. Okay, maybe it's just Cassidy that matures slower, but if he's like this now, at 120 years old, it's worrying to think what he was like before.]

[notgood]

So, thirty years old enough to know better, really.

[crassidy]

No! Because, if y'think about it, compared to how I am now, right? Seventy is like half that, so actually that's really bleedin' young.

[Vampire maths! Very logical!]

[notgood]

You didn't mentally regress when you became a vampire, did you? You don't restart the learning process when you become a vampire, so if I reason that you should have known well enough by forty, making a bad choice thirty years later doesn't excuse it.

[crassidy]

It's different, right? Like dog years. 'Cause like if I look in me thirties but actually we say I'm a hundred and twenty. So that's... [Trying to count on his fingers here, give a minute.] Four? Four. So that's four years to a vampire year. So actually back then it was kind of like I was fifteen, is it not?!

[notgood]

That's-

Not how math works. Or age. Cassidy.

[crassidy]

Clearly you don't know what you're talkin' about. I'm the vampire here, okay? I think I know how being a vampire works better than you do.

[No, he doesn't.]

1/2

[notgood]

[Just a moment of staring, before:]

[notgood]

You're right. You would, wouldn't you?

[crassidy]

Thank you, at least you got some sense in you, mate. Vampire maths is different, see, we learn it when we get bit.

[notgood]

What about vampire writing? And vampire history? How are your studies there?

[crassidy]

Oh, yeah, no, I was shite at those subjects. Vampire film studies was good one though.

[notgood]

So you can count how many times they stole your looks?

[crassidy]

Exactly, now you're gettin' it, I'm actually in high demand. Like a bloody muse.

[notgood]

Then I'm very fortunate you applied for this position, aren't I?

[crassidy]

Right, 'cept I'm not comin' to the court room with you for inspiration. I prefer to stay outta all law related things as much as possible unless the cops have got me.

[notgood]

Even if I needed the moral support?

[No, he'd literally never ask Cassidy to be in the court room...]

[crassidy]

I don't have any spare morals to give.

[notgood]

Fair.

[crassidy]

[Sniff.]

So we done here or what? Obviously I'm the best you're gonna get.

[notgood]

We are done. You're clearly astounding.

[crassidy]

Cheers, mate. Appreciate it. Honestly one of the first interviews I've ever done, if y'can believe it.

[Surely Chauncy could never believe such a revelation. In the mean time Cassidy is pushing himself to his feet and offering his hand over the desk to shake.]

[notgood]

One of? This isn't the first?